After the Wednesday post, I thought I should confess something. I find it difficult to care for orphans. Sometimes caring wears me out emotionally. It takes manual overdrive to persist in having compassion rather than putting up a wall of emotions.
Unfortunately, that's not the worst part of my confession. That would be that I'm terribly, horribly shallow. I don't wish to be, but it's something I noticed and I am not proud of it. There's a child I sponsor through an organization. They send me pictures and updates as to how the child is faring.
The first child I sponsored didn't look like a little girl with unmatching clothes. She looked like a very serious child with a bad haircut and really unfortunate unmatching clothes. I remember feeling disappointed that my child wasn't cute. And I felt terrible that I had that feeling.
I've added another child to sponsor and at the time that I got her, the woman on the phone who was setting it up said, "I think this is the cutest little girl I've ever seen." My heart soared. Again, I was ashamed. Then, last week, I got an update. She's a year older and not as attractive.
That's what I thought! I couldn't believe that I have these shallow feelings that involuntarily spring up in me. How dare I be so vain. Do you hate me for thinking that? I sort of hate me for thinking that. Ugh.
It humbles me. It reminds me that these are not the important things to the heart of God. It forces me to pray, to confess, to ask for compassion, less vanity, and to see these children as God sees them.